losing hope in my life

Hi All..you've all been so patient and kind in hearing me out, i thank you, especially with this topic:
recently, more than ever, i've been losing hope in my life.
i havnt really had a stable job, i dont really have good relations with my family, and most of all, i've been so scared about the future and my life with thalassemia.
i know this is horrible, but i keep thinking about my life with this and how it is so darn effected, even when i dont want it to be, or even when i hold it back so much from ruining anything.
i've taken action many many times, by altering my viewpoint on life, developing new modes of coping and being in my life, i've even tried different forms of entertainment, or job change, and spoken out about my frustrations to my family and even therapists and psychologists (numerous times)...
i'm 24 and for more than a decade, it just seems like nothing is working, because it all just seems like a temporary fix to the problem, and eventually the problem arises again.
i am so scared.  because i keep thinking.  "oh my god..what if this is ME..what if i am just internally always going to be depressed about this"....and i get so scared about that i go into 'survival mode'....and my survival mode to me is just thinking and thinking and thinking about a way to change myself or the problems i have. 
but i know this is hindering my life, and exauhsting me into something i cant do anymore.
i am so scared..it seems i dont have hope anymore for my life and my abilities.  because i've done so much for myself in the past and it has all came down to a form of sadness again. with thal at the forefront.
i dont know what to do.
doctors and therapists said maybe its a mental disorder and i should take pills (meds)..
but you guys..i dont do any drugs because of that simple fact....
mind alteration scares the bejisus out of me!
so i'm frightened to take pills.
someone suggested charity work to me,.. and to some extent i've done that too...it just seems to me that i cant fully be true to helping anyone if i myself am not helped at all..i'm just this mess trying to help everyone else...
even posting things on this site makes me feel unworthy sometimes because i know that i'm a wreck and to give advice is immoral in a way.  .......
i dont know what to do..and i love life...so its sooo hard...
i need to find a way to make thalassemia better for myself, its effecting everything , and never in my life did i think it would get to this point.

Dear Red,
I know what you are going through i have had also many ups & downs in my life as we all have had with thal major,i also am a "thinker" and think how sometimes thal has ruined my life in some ways or makes it more difficult.But honestly life is precious and its taken me along time to see this,a big wake up call for me was last year in 2006 my older brother passed away from thal( that was a result of him not taking his medictaion probably over a number of years) and when you see someone you truly love it hits you in a  big way and when you see someone in a casket its a very unatural thing to see you realise why you are living and breathing it is precious,because others out there didnt have a choice to live ,but you do,you can do it & turn your life around,im sure your an amazing person red and sometimes even a holiday overseas you can go back home after and have a different outlook on life and feel refreshed.Im sorry if it sounds harsh what i wrote but dont give up you and us all we all have support from all our fellow thals and are here for you! 

thank you so much sydneygirl 
what you said was not harsh at all.
i actually tought that was so beautiful of you to open up to me.
i'm sorry about your brother.
i've had situations similar too.
even though they are tough, i feel a good feeling too. 
i liked your advice about the overseas vacation, cuz i found that that helps alot.
i actually wanna visit australia, one of my good friends used to live there. i've never been.
thanks again.
your friend red.

Hi Red,

I know that life with Thal. is no walk in the park. We all have to face a situation where we feel like saying that things could have been better if I hadn't had Thal. Believe me, I say this all the time but then, there is nothing else that we can do about it except FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! You know that you will have to beat it or else it will beat YOU!

If something takes you down; hit it back...HARDER. Convince yourself that you are on the right and this will not get in your way.

Dear sweet red,

Believe me reading your post has left me wordless,i can't say that i have suffered that much due to thal, coz  i am a minor,but to tell you the truth,that depression phase, i go through this so often,may be my reasons are different then yours but i can understand how you feel when you are depressed,so please don't loose hope,i know it's easy said then done,but you are only 24 years old, you still have your chances in life,we'll all pray for something good to come along.

Sajid,My Brother,

That's the spirit we all should be showing,please take good care of your self and your ferritin 

LOVE ALWAYS,

ZAINI.

Hi Red,

Am Akka, 26 yrs from Maldives. I also went tru a period like wat ur goin tru now. I have gone tru lots in my life. Whn i was small i got even brain fever and never thought i wil live like how am today. God is great. Today one of my biggest has come true. Am goin to marry next month. I think am very lucky to get an understanding and caring fiance. 

I am working for the national shipping line of maldives. Its been 7 yrs now i've been working.
 Got promotions too. I also went to several psychologists and councellors too. It didnt help me out. Then my aunt invited me to Malaysia and i went there for a break. There she took me for few coucelling sessions. When i returned i was totally  a new person. More confident in life. U should always think the opportunities u've got in life. Do not compare ur self with others. Think of how ur goin to handle it how hard life turns on u. U been a thal is lucky to have a job. There are many who are not given jobs cos they are thals.

We are always there for u. Am lucky u joined this website where i felt totally lost b4 i joined. I've made many friends and got loads of valuable info from this site. Thanks to Lisa sadly she's not with us today and ofcourse Andy whose been a v good friend from the time i met him.

Kit, Tc

Akka

thanks again everyone!
sajid, your so funny with your emoticons! hah! a good laugh always lifts me up.
all of you are very insightful and willing to express emotion, thank you.

i guess kinda my problem is i'm a girl, and i'm not very "girly"..
i dont really like to look pretty or anything, and be giddy.
i'm more tough, and always the one to really take care of everyone else.
i dont like being taken care of..so the idea of a guy being in my life with my thal is
kinda frustrating to me.
the poor guy, i know, i'm not even giving him a chance..but..i'm just that way.
i dont like exposing my emotions to a guy..its kinda pointless to me i've learned.

also..i know what i've said is wrong..everyone should have a balance,
or something.
but..i've tried and its just been hard to me to show a 'girly' side, or a
vulnerable side..i end up feeling frightened and 'attacked'...
and all the while i'm constantly thinking about my thal.

when i'm more like tough and introverted, i feel more protected with my thal
especially and more strong to stand up to anyone about it.

i guess it has become more of a problem than anything, because me constantly trying to shelter myself has made thalassemia the most important aspect of my life, down to the way i even look, so i guess i'm the one that is making it the biggest deal of all.

Hi Red,

I will give you a few notes and i hope to work through it :

- stable job & relation with your family is not a problem at all  since you believe that there are a problem , so you can push your self to communicate with others.

- "scared about the future, and your life with thalassemia",
  well..
..even a normal people worried about the future but you should keep the future for tomorrow and live in the present.

- Since i am a thal. major, i am 100 % agree with you to think about your life and the next step, be cause when i am in your age (24 year old). I was prepared to get a married. and  I have i beutiful gilr now (11 Years Old), 

- 99.8% & (00.2 % for No Comment) agree with Sajid to keep every thing behind you..and think how to be Happy and make your life more easier than now (life is not chemistry experiments).

 - 99.9 % agree that should doctors and therapists who think that you have a mental disorder and thay (Not you) should take pills (meds) ..because most of adult and normal people in your age face a similar problems, Just try to change your daily life system, and try to be more closer with your family, Get a new friends , then think about married .

if you dont know what to do after all that, try to delete this word from your mind "Scared" and be more closer with God.

Good Luck Man.

Hi Red,
Hope is an aspiration that you can't afford not to have,you need hope to make you strong and to keep climbing.
When a person hit rock bottom the only way is to go is up,
Don't be discourage  the power greater than ours has a plan for you,you are here because you have a purpose,hang around and learn.
Self esteem is another good atribute to  have,loving oneself is to take care of self the best way one knows how,despite of the pain and suffering one has to have faith in oneself.

You are loved and you need to love yourself more."having said that" I know the pain, ive felt it before,it was my self esteem,determination, faith.caring friends loving family that helped me to get out of it.dont give up  Keep trying' make plan' have a goal, think of where you will be in years to come,and live a little,
Kathy

Medications has helped me too,Sometimes we need to take it so that we can have a better , quality of life ,It is there because some of us needs it.
Kathy

Hi Red
Whenever I am down I remind myself of this quote. Many of Life`s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. This beautiful quote always gives me the strength, the  determination and above all HOPE to keep going. Hope this helps you too. A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.
Take care
MAHA

Hi Red,
a trip to australia will do you good lol you would love it!
where in Australia does your friend live? im in sydney

Hey Akka

CONGRAGULATIONS
May God Almighty bless you with all his blessings.

ZAINI.

DUDE! you all are auwsome!
just to know that all of you exist is making me happy!
NOT KIDDING!

maha...i really dug your quote about the thorns and love..deep vibes!

and sydneygirl..my friend doesnt live in australia anymore..but that aint holdin me back! ;)

BUT TRUELY...i want you all to know..
it was because of you all that i have gotten hope again!

PLEASE ALL OF YOU KNOW THIS!

Depressed about life and thal?

Join the club hehe

We have all been there, and we will sometimes be there again. Cant promise you it will vanish, damn problems always keep coming back after I've removed them hehe. Just dont go around with a death-wish and stop taking your treatment like I did/do, cuz no one benifits from your death, not even yourself!

Havent found Mr. Right yet? What about Mr. Left? Dont worry, he is still looking for u 2!!

Hope that was a smile on your face... If not, I might have to try harder!