I have often wondered if there was something else I could've done to help save Vittey. I talked to him regularly and knew everything. I knew he wasn't chelating and why. I knew why he had given up but nothing I said seemed to make any difference. He wouldn't chelate and he knew what he was doing. He felt that things would never change and it would always be the same. The lack of acceptance of thals in a country where 18% of the people are carriers has been very hard to understand. But things are slowly changing and now several thals have married non thals in the Maldives. I doubt attitudes have changed much regarding two thals marrying, though, and this has to change. I knew that these two wanted to be a couple long before Vittey told me all about it. Some little clues I had observed were exactly what I thought and I really hoped things could work out for them. At one point it was even requested that I post and ask people if it was ok for two majors to be together. We didn't get much response, but the responses from Flower, Miaki and Waleed were wonderful and supportive. It wasn't enough though, especially since not a single person from Maldives was heard. The pressure was enormous on this couple and they chose to break things off. While the girl did find a way to eventually move on, Vittey found it impossible to do the same. The loss of Vittey was a great loss to the Maldivians as he was the leader of the thal boys and no one has ever been able to take over that role. We continue to lose these boys as so many of them also feel that life is not worth the trouble. Shilpa and I made some real impact while we were there but it was only a 4 day visit. They need to know every single day that people do care about them and want them to survive and from so far away, it is very hard for me to accomplish. I hope that some day I get the opportunity to return and embrace my Maldivian brothers and sisters again.
In 2004 I was asked to post about this topic by the girl who was involved. They desperately wanted to find some approval but among those closest to their situation, they found none.
http://groups.msn.com/ThalassemiaPatientsandFriends/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=1413&LastModified=4675481912097523429The question posed to me is what people think about two thal majors falling in love and marrying. I know it does happen and that there are people in the group that have done this.
There are some obstacles involved, I am sure, but what do you think? I know that there often will be resistance from family, friends, and maybe even medical professionals, but should anything stand in the way of true love? My own feelings are a strong no. Nothing should stand in the way of love. When it comes down to it, what do we have if we don't have love? Maybe I'm too romantic minded, but I can't think of anything that is more important than loving and being loved.
What do you think? What are the pitfalls? What are the obstacles? What are the advantages? Do you find being in love with someone who has the same problems as you and who can relate to you, is actually a positive and not a negative? Feel free to share your experiences, both positive and negative.
Miaki married another thal and if anyone ever wants to say that her marrying Stan was a mistake, I will slap them. As Miaki said in her post then, another thal never has to wonder what you're going through because they live the same life. Stan and Miaki loved and understood each other so much and for me, one moment of this type of love is worth it all. I wish this opportunity had been there for Vittey and my dear friend.
One thing I know for certain. This group has evolved much since those days at MSN, and a question like I posted above would get a much stronger response today and I thank the members of this group for making this possible.