Sajid I do know what you mean....
Today I had my appointment with a diabetes doctor. I never look forward to it as the nurses are never quite satisfied and it doesn't help that they don't understand Thalassaemia.
Normally I deal with the nurses so it was a change to see the doctor. My Hbalc wa 9.1 which isn't too crazy but I was quick to mention it had improved.
I don't think he expected to see tears running down my face. Even as I type this, the tears are flowing.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will pick myself up and plod on as I normally do. I guess I'm purely fustrated and voiced it today.
It was the first time that I told him that I get annoyed when they focus on just one thing and not me as a whole. They want me to test more but I'm not going to at the moment because my ferritin has hit the 4000s and I want to focus on that. One thing at a time for me. As always I apologise for letting them down. It was good though because he then spoke to my diabetes specialist who came and saw me to discuss how things were going. After answering his questions he was happy and told me that I've had it for 10 years and have had no complications, he was going to make a positive report and a few suggestions with how they interpret my results.
I know I should be happy, but I am my own critic and feel that I'm not doing enough. I know that I am, and that I have alot of friends, family and my haematologist who are proud of my accomplishments. I'm just in that questioning myself mode.
Tomorrow with my students will help me perk up and appreciate myself.
Hope all goes well with you.