Guilt

Almost 17 years ago, I refused to go through a bone marrow transplant with my brother. We were both young. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt watching him struggle. I'm currently a nursing student and working on an epidemiology review paper on thalassemia. I thought nursing school would be of therapeutic value.

Hawaii,

Welcome to the website, it is great to have you here.  Bone marrow transplants are not free of struggle and pain - and they don't necessarily work.  At times bmt can be fatal.  You made a decision when you were very young so you cannot feel guilty for that decision now.  What you can do now is to offer your brother support and friendship now.  Whereas you guilt won't do anything for him - your understanding will make all of the difference. 

I hope that your brother is taking good care of himself - transfusing and chelating as required.  If all goes well there will hopefully be a safe cure available to your brother in the near future.  Best of luck with your education and the paper that you are working on. 

 

Best,

Sharmin

We are human beings and we are prone to making mistakes and taking wrong decisions,that's only human,yes that could have changed your brother's life but it's not necessary,BMT doesn't always work,sometimes it does but it's a struggle in itself.

What you can do to feel better is to be there for him when ever he needs anything in life,be supportive and urge him to chelate more and more,with low ferritin levels he can spend a fairly normal life.

If you or your brother have any questions we are here for you .

Zaini.

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY HAWAII
 
 Hope you will find the answer of your concerns ...
 Stay in-touch with us , and keep posting ...

Best Regards
Take Care
Umair

Hi HAwaii

Welcome on board.

I understand your feeling of guilt.
  I asked my cousin to play with my friends when I was 10 yrs old.  She fell down and had to be admitted to the hospital and had severe complications thereof so you can guess how guilty I felt  and still feel since now she has lupus as a result.

Take care

Hawaii,

You don't really know. Your choice may in fact, have saved your brother's life. BMT is no sure thing and there is a real risk of death. I am currently waiting for better news on an employee of mine who underwent a BMT for lymphoma. He is in intensive care for pneumonia at the moment and if he recovers, he still has a long way to go. We make a lot of decisions in life and hope we make good choices. Your choice was not easy and no one should ever question the choice you made, as no one can tell you that the outcome would have been positive.

hawaii,
i know how you feel.
this is my biggest problem being a thal patient. coming from a middle class family i know how hard it is for my parents to raise me. I've always felt guilty for being such a burden to them. I don't really mind having thal, the pain of needles, the meds, easily getting tired, etc. what bothers me is seeing other people, especially my family, suffer or having them sacrifice something because of me. Sometimes I even feel that it is quite unfair for my brother who doesn't have thal because i have to be treated a little more special than him and i feel really bad.

Hi Ye and welcome to the site

I want to reassure you that no matter what your parents sacrifice for you, the only thing they think and wish for if finding you healthy and happy as much as possible. Parents  don't think about what they give at all as much as they egarly want to make sure that their children are doing well in all life aspects.

So get rid of this feeling of guilt because it has no basis. May be your parents give up or sacriface good chances in life/money/time or any other thing but seeing you happy and healthiy  is far more important to them than any other thing. I am sure when you become a parent you will understand my words

As for your brother and you being previlaged than him, remember that God gives us what we can endure and balances each person's life in a way or another and definetly you can find something in his life that he is preveliged for.

Feeling guilty is a negative feeling that definetly affects one's mind, health and attitude and i think the best reward for all your parents' sacrifices is to find you always healthy, happy and lively

Wish happiness and peace of mind

manal

I totally agree with Manal,

And one more thing,its good to see that you can realize that parents have done a lot for you,but you can be thankful to them by being compliant with your chelation and taking extra good care of yourself,good luck with that  .

Zaini.