Dear Rima,
I completely understand your frustration. My son is almost 14 now and transfusions have become much easier.
We had challenges when he was younger as well, their veins are small in the hand and they often have many valves - the nurse will be able to insert the needle but not be able to flush through because the end of the needle has hit a valve. My son required multiple pokes to start a transfusion as well. Things are much better now.
What you can do to make it easier for your daughter is:
1) ensure that the pretransfusion hemoglobin is above 9.5
2) give your daughter plenty of fluids the day and the night before her transfusion
3) ensure that she is very warm - perhaps put an extra layer on her before her transfusion as this will plump up her veins.
4) getting her to be active and have her moving around will also get her blood pumping and the poke will be easier.
I hope that all of this helps. Most important, we need to remain calm during the pokes. We need to act like it is not a big deal and your child over time will learn to think of it in the same way. It is the toughest thing a parent has to do, but you have to be very matter of fact about it. As a parent, I have watched my child get IVs for 14 years and I also inserted needles in his stomach from the time he was 18 months old until he was 11 years old. I understand how you feel, and these are the techniques that have worked for our family.
I wish you and your family all the best,
Sharmin