Hi manal,
i totally understand what you are saying and i dont judge your moment of weakness as a mother trying to make sense of it all. but it is just a moment and you will face a new day with a smile and your son , like mine would not want another life because they dont know what another life is like. they only want their family, the hugs, the kisses, the cuddles and all the other medical stuff pales into insignificance when they have their family and fun experiences.
i believe everything happens for a reason. your son was given to you for a reason. i have never looked at the BMT option because for us it is not an option. we spoke to an oncologist early on and were told that there is a 1 chance in 10 of death. that is way too high a chance for us and we dismissed the option. i dont care how we have christian in our lives, whether he has tx's, needles everynight, constant hospital visits, we don't care about that - just as long as we have christian in our lives- that is all that matters. to put christian in a high risk operation with a high chance of death- is incomprehensible for us.
so manal, maybe the higher powers are giving you some sort of message. keep doing what you are doing. you are doing amazing things for him and you are constantly monitoring the condition. we all have a moments. i have mine many times, and you did the right thing by talking about it because we need to support each other. i understand where you are coming from particularly as a parent as we have children of similar age. feel free to talk whenver you need.
vic