Hi everyone!
Looks like I found the right place!
I'm nicknamed Zadkhi around the web and amongst my friends and I'm an early to mid-twenties female who has the type of alpha thalassemia called Hemoglobin H Disease.
I've known about my blood disorder ever since I could remember as I was diagnosed with it when I was 12 months old or so.
My pediatrician originally mistook my anemia for iron-deficiency anemia and when I didn't get better with iron therapy, he took me off the iron and sent me to the hospital for a thorough blood workup. The results came back and that's how my family and my doctor found out that I have HgH Disease.
My typical Hg count is in the high 7 and I have tried brief transfusion therapy in an effort to boost my energy levels and to hopefully give me more energy to combat my chronic depression. Because my Hg levels only went to 9.6 with little noticeable results, the therapy was discontinued though I've been encouraged to seriously think this option over.
My thalassemia is not asymptomatic and my primary issues related to my thalassemia is chronic fatigue and an unhealthy penchant for getting sick at all the worst times. A side effect from the fatigue, my doctors and I suspect, is my chronic depression that was always sort of floating around when I was younger that finally escalated into fullblown depression (possibly bipolar in nature, though without the manic symptoms) after I went through a really rough spot during my university schooling.
I oftentimes feel caught in between - having a chronic illness that isn't severe enough to warrant constant intensive medical attention, yet unable to 'catch up' and 'compare' to my healthier peers - and have discounted the validity of my symptoms time and time again because on the outside, I look rather healthy and I'm even nicely tanned, but inside... sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but a jumble of broken parts inside.
Hence, the reason I'm here now. I'm experiencing things that... my older non-thalassemic sibling and peers haven't faced before and may never face - physical healthwise and otherwise - and it's been... difficult coping.
When I was a kid, everyone treated me like I was normal and that was how I wanted to be treated. Invariably, though, when I got stressed out or sick, I would get REALLY sick and suddenly, I would become so weak and have to miss a lot of school and PE.
It wasn't so bad when I had my mother to take care of me since she always knew how to take care of me and took care of my school issues as well, but when I grew older and started facing 'adult' situations, concerns, and responsibilities, everything sort of fell apart.
It's tiring to have to explain why I -need- health insurance.
It's tiring to have to explain that I simply CAN'T STAND to run a mile.
... Or stand/be on my feet for longer than an hour without any breaks.
It's tiring to have to explain that I get very easily tired when doing physical activities of ANY kind.
It's also tiring and embarrassing to have to explain to my professors that I sometimes fall asleep in class because I am simply exhausted from all the running around I had to do earlier and mean no disrespect. (Thankfully, all my profs have been understanding but it's still embarrassing!)
It's frightening as hell to be sick with mono and pneumonia and constantly feel like I'm about to pass out and be unable to see a doctor because I can't afford the damned health insurance because I got kicked out of school for being sick in the first place!
It's discouraging to talk to my significant other sometimes about building a family and going on adventures and whatnot because I'm not one of those people who can 1) just decide to have a kid and have a kid 2) just decide to pack up shop and leave for a camping trip to the middle of nowhere even though I'd love to do it.
It's discouraging to have my 'bad days' and have no outward symptoms of it besides the general feeling of malaise and fatigue and have people behaving as if it's all in my head or that I'm simply exagerating.
... And it goes on and on.
For a while, I thought these issues were all in my head indeed since I couldn't recall having such problems as a kid, but after talking with my hematologist and psychiatrist about this at length, it seems that the issues I'm dealing with are almost to be expected.
Is this true?
And this is why I'm here.
To learn more about others who live with thalassemia and how they live with it and what works for them and what doesn't.
I'm very interested in finding out if there's a link between chronic depression (or a tendency towards depression) and symptomatic thalassemia because I believe the constant fatigue might play a big role in controlling one's moods.
Right now, I'm struggling with severe chronic depression and am wondering if there are other avenues of treatment that I have not yet looked at from the thalassemic point of view.
If anyone has any advice or stories and experiences of their own to share, I'd love to hear.
In particular, does anyone else here have HgH Disease and has it affected your life?
Hello to everyone again and thanks in advance!
~ Z